What would I be like if I was still living in Germany?
I tend to wonder about that on occasion and today I spent some time thinking about it yet again because I seem to always be justifying my manner to people here.
Is it because of they way we were bought up or is it in the blood? So often I feel like I have so much jewish blood happening because I tend to work well on guilt lol! Fran fine always comes to mind when I am trying to manipulate a situation but I do it so well.
Our grand mother was supposed to come from jewish heritage after all.
Sometimes I feel that if I would be in Germany, I would probably be accepted more. God! that is something that wouldn't happen anyway due to the fact I can't stand the cold here let alone over there. There ain't anything nice about snow apart from it looking nice on Christmas cards. Why anyone would want to ski is beyond me as well. Tried it once and it was cold, wet, and it hurt alot and there ain't no way that the old saying (bend z knees) works because it's bullshit. Every time I tried to take  a  step forward, I ended sliding three steps back and sitting in a warm bar with a roaring fire is by far more appealing.
I have no idea where I'm headed with this post? I had a totally different topic in mind for this today but as is life, things change and change it has and I'm off on another tangent.
I should turn off the tele when I attempt to write these blog because right now Andrew Zimmern is distracting me with Balinese cremations and snake blood drinking. Some cultures have a far better perspective on death than us westerners do. Why wouldn't you celebrate a life lived instead of crying yourself stupid and morning for months. I know which I'd prefer! there is no way, when I die I'm going to have people sitting around a box I'm in crying hysterically. I'm off to science when I go and let them do with me what they need to do to help possibly discover
Once upon a time I would have liked to have had a gigantic monument erected to myself with rotunder and marble statues so that everyone knew I was there but having experienced death at a very close level, ( I might tell you about it sometime) I have discovered that when you are gone, what does it matter any way? People will come and visit your stone ( because that's all it is) for a short while, cry for awhile and then, they don't visit quiet so often, don't tend to keep your stone all nice and shinny and before you know it, you just end up a crooked stone that's gone all mouldy and weed ridden that no one cares about anymore.

I never tended to go for all that stuff and when Phil died, I didn't see that it was him I was visiting, just a rock, as I said. Nothing more, he isn't there, not his spirit anyway. Sometimes I will visit on Google earth and say hello but, I believe a persons spirit will be with you for how ever long you think about that person and if you have that person in your heart, They will never go away. And while I think of it! Don't get me started on people erecting horrendous road side monuments to their departed. God forbid that I should end up in a car crash and have my loved ones erecting white crosses and hideous silk sunflowers on the side of the road. I will haunt them for eternity if that should ever happen. I 'm not too sure how to explain it? But maybe I feel it is demeaning to that person who has died. I certainly wouldn't want to remember someone I know by visiting the side of some road somewhere, There is a time and place for everything! Phil is to the right of the pic.
I miss him alot still to this day and he left this world back in 1989. I have gone on a HUGE tangent today!
I'll speak to you later.