Have you ever felt like life is passing you by!? I feel like it is and wish there was some way of getting out of it. It seems like the old saying ( same shit different day) is alive and well here. Frustrating is a word that I'd use for today and thats just what it was FRUSTRATING!
There is so much more to life than what is happening now and unfortunately, I feel like it's slipping by far too quickly.
Give me a place some where in the bush, somewhere that has a roof and shelter. Somewhere I can paint again, somewhere I can, grow my own food, somewhere I can feel like I am part of what is around me and not somewhere I feel totally disconnected from life.
I miss being able to do my art, something that I once enjoyed a great deal and was actually making a living from.
I hate myself for allowing my ex boyfriend to ruin what I had dreamt for myself and that I had let him disempower me to the point that I was no good for anything.
I have always had such low self esteme that I have always put other people before myself to the point I loss sight of my own goals and dreams and needs and wants.
Silly Huh!? I guess it comes from growing up in a very disfunctional family with a mother so totally self absorbed she wasn't ever there for her children and so tottally disfunctional that she taught us how to be disfunctional. It isn't far for a mother to put their own shit onto their children and think it s ok because, it ain't. Even talking to her on mothers day was a test of endurance and tolerance. Am I being far to idealist in thinking that talking to your mother should be a pleasant undertaking?? It isn't and most of the time ain't at all. I' love to speak with my mother and have a feeling of acceptance and knowing that I have some where to turn when things aren't going so great. Ok! so there are people out there that don't have mothers and are in the same boat but, I wish I could think back in my life and know that someone was there to nurture me.
Anyways! I'm rabbling once again!

I'm off for another glass of red and maybe see about dinner. The husband has just got home so it's a good excuse to sign out.
If anyone does read this!? Peace and love to you I'm off to make dinner.
 You ain't gettin any rudy pics because I ain't in the mood ok!?