They moved in suddenly one day. I don't know where from or why but they were there one morning, happily moving into the branches down the way, totally oblivious to all who were watching and checking them out.
They seemed happy with their choice of new home and rightly so too, for where they had come from, over the metal web it was very unsafe for the children, let alone the adults who were always at danger while looking for food for the family.
The children looked so happy jumping around outside their home while their mother and father placed everything just where it should be.
Mother, father, can we go play, said the children. Ok! came the reply, but do be very careful and stay close to the house, where we can keep an eye on you.
Ok! they both shouted and with that they both ran off to explore.
The children look so happy father said the mother, looking lovingly at the children as they ran around their new field in excitement. They do don't they mother, came the reply, I think we have made an excellent choice of finding a new home for us and the children and I think we might be very happy here, he said, sweetly kissing his wife tenderly on the forehead.
It wasn't always like this! Father had spent a long time searching for a new land, somewhere safe for the children to grow without the constant fear that was always present where they once lived. Everytime some one left the house, it was always frort with danger from everywhere. So when father had found the new land, it was wonderful for all. The new land was nothing like the old land and it was hidden away behind a large metal web, that appeared to stretch for miles in both directions and was so high they were all sure that clouds must sometimes get caught in it. Why it was there, no one knew, was it there to catch clouds? and if so, what for?
Father was so excited the day he had found the new land he couldn't wait to tell every one and they all jumped around with glee at what father was describing to them all. Where is it father? can we go see now?
Slow down! slow down! came the reply! It is on the other side of the metal web that sits at the far side of the toxic meadow and yes! I can show you all now but, better still we can all move in right now, but you all will have to be very quiet while we venture through the toxic meadow to get to the metal web, said the father.
They all packed their belongings very quickly and would leave the big things for another time as the branches had all they needed. With that they all snuck quietly through the toxic meadow hoping that they didn't come across the big grass eater that would make such a loud noise at it chewed the grass off at the base and left it in rows as it went or the giant feathered creatures that would try and catch them if they were spotted. They made it to the metal web without making a sound and found the small hole their father had made under the web, so that they would be able to get under it.
Oh my! came a loud cry from Stamp as he scurried under the web and came out the other side to a sight that was beautiful and full of astonishment all at once. Oh! do hurry so I can see, said Velvet their daughter! I want to see too and as Velvet came up straight out of the hole, she could not believe her eyes!
It's wonder full, she said. Oh mother, Oh father, this is the more beautiful place I have ever seen. With that, Velvet and Stamp both stared all around the new land not knowing whether to run around r stay where they were.
As their mother came up through the hold, she clutched them both to her as she exhaled in amazement at the sight that befell her too. OH! my! she said, it's too beautiful for words. I've never seen any place as beautiful as this. And beautiful it was!
It was nothing like they had ever seen and greener that they could ever have imagined, for before them sat a land that was a dream come true.
They had come through the hole quite near the branches and they all stood under a giant tree that shaded both them and the branches as they looked around in astonishment.
Here is our new home, said the father, snapping them all back into reality.
Oh! it does look lovely said the mother and with that both mother and father ushered the children over to see their new home. The children ran into the branched yelling who was going to have which room.This is my room, said Stamp as he looked out the window, through a thicket of ginger and up into the new land.
Velvet found her room and they asked their parents if they could explore.
Don't go too far! their mother said as they both ran to see what they could see. Isn't it beautiful Stamp!? said Velvet looking up into the new land that sat before them. I think I will like living here she said. So do I replied Stamp!
It was too beautiful for them to imagine and Stamp noticed that the were large structures further up in the land. What do you think that might be Velvet? asked Stamp. I don't know Stamp. Maybe others live here too. Oh! how exciting Stamp, if we have lovely neighbours to play with. Wouldn't that be grand!?
Saturday, 29 May 2010
Tuesday, 25 May 2010
What would I be like if I was still living in Germany?
I tend to wonder about that on occasion and today I spent some time thinking about it yet again because I seem to always be justifying my manner to people here.
Is it because of they way we were bought up or is it in the blood? So often I feel like I have so much jewish blood happening because I tend to work well on guilt lol! Fran fine always comes to mind when I am trying to manipulate a situation but I do it so well.
Our grand mother was supposed to come from jewish heritage after all.
Sometimes I feel that if I would be in Germany, I would probably be accepted more. God! that is something that wouldn't happen anyway due to the fact I can't stand the cold here let alone over there. There ain't anything nice about snow apart from it looking nice on Christmas cards. Why anyone would want to ski is beyond me as well. Tried it once and it was cold, wet, and it hurt alot and there ain't no way that the old saying (bend z knees) works because it's bullshit. Every time I tried to take a step forward, I ended sliding three steps back and sitting in a warm bar with a roaring fire is by far more appealing.
I have no idea where I'm headed with this post? I had a totally different topic in mind for this today but as is life, things change and change it has and I'm off on another tangent.
I should turn off the tele when I attempt to write these blog because right now Andrew Zimmern is distracting me with Balinese cremations and snake blood drinking. Some cultures have a far better perspective on death than us westerners do. Why wouldn't you celebrate a life lived instead of crying yourself stupid and morning for months. I know which I'd prefer! there is no way, when I die I'm going to have people sitting around a box I'm in crying hysterically. I'm off to science when I go and let them do with me what they need to do to help possibly discover
Once upon a time I would have liked to have had a gigantic monument erected to myself with rotunder and marble statues so that everyone knew I was there but having experienced death at a very close level, ( I might tell you about it sometime) I have discovered that when you are gone, what does it matter any way? People will come and visit your stone ( because that's all it is) for a short while, cry for awhile and then, they don't visit quiet so often, don't tend to keep your stone all nice and shinny and before you know it, you just end up a crooked stone that's gone all mouldy and weed ridden that no one cares about anymore.
I never tended to go for all that stuff and when Phil died, I didn't see that it was him I was visiting, just a rock, as I said. Nothing more, he isn't there, not his spirit anyway. Sometimes I will visit on Google earth and say hello but, I believe a persons spirit will be with you for how ever long you think about that person and if you have that person in your heart, They will never go away. And while I think of it! Don't get me started on people erecting horrendous road side monuments to their departed. God forbid that I should end up in a car crash and have my loved ones erecting white crosses and hideous silk sunflowers on the side of the road. I will haunt them for eternity if that should ever happen. I 'm not too sure how to explain it? But maybe I feel it is demeaning to that person who has died. I certainly wouldn't want to remember someone I know by visiting the side of some road somewhere, There is a time and place for everything! Phil is to the right of the pic.
I miss him alot still to this day and he left this world back in 1989. I have gone on a HUGE tangent today!
I'll speak to you later.
I tend to wonder about that on occasion and today I spent some time thinking about it yet again because I seem to always be justifying my manner to people here.
Is it because of they way we were bought up or is it in the blood? So often I feel like I have so much jewish blood happening because I tend to work well on guilt lol! Fran fine always comes to mind when I am trying to manipulate a situation but I do it so well.
Our grand mother was supposed to come from jewish heritage after all.
Sometimes I feel that if I would be in Germany, I would probably be accepted more. God! that is something that wouldn't happen anyway due to the fact I can't stand the cold here let alone over there. There ain't anything nice about snow apart from it looking nice on Christmas cards. Why anyone would want to ski is beyond me as well. Tried it once and it was cold, wet, and it hurt alot and there ain't no way that the old saying (bend z knees) works because it's bullshit. Every time I tried to take a step forward, I ended sliding three steps back and sitting in a warm bar with a roaring fire is by far more appealing.
I have no idea where I'm headed with this post? I had a totally different topic in mind for this today but as is life, things change and change it has and I'm off on another tangent.
I should turn off the tele when I attempt to write these blog because right now Andrew Zimmern is distracting me with Balinese cremations and snake blood drinking. Some cultures have a far better perspective on death than us westerners do. Why wouldn't you celebrate a life lived instead of crying yourself stupid and morning for months. I know which I'd prefer! there is no way, when I die I'm going to have people sitting around a box I'm in crying hysterically. I'm off to science when I go and let them do with me what they need to do to help possibly discover
Once upon a time I would have liked to have had a gigantic monument erected to myself with rotunder and marble statues so that everyone knew I was there but having experienced death at a very close level, ( I might tell you about it sometime) I have discovered that when you are gone, what does it matter any way? People will come and visit your stone ( because that's all it is) for a short while, cry for awhile and then, they don't visit quiet so often, don't tend to keep your stone all nice and shinny and before you know it, you just end up a crooked stone that's gone all mouldy and weed ridden that no one cares about anymore.
I never tended to go for all that stuff and when Phil died, I didn't see that it was him I was visiting, just a rock, as I said. Nothing more, he isn't there, not his spirit anyway. Sometimes I will visit on Google earth and say hello but, I believe a persons spirit will be with you for how ever long you think about that person and if you have that person in your heart, They will never go away. And while I think of it! Don't get me started on people erecting horrendous road side monuments to their departed. God forbid that I should end up in a car crash and have my loved ones erecting white crosses and hideous silk sunflowers on the side of the road. I will haunt them for eternity if that should ever happen. I 'm not too sure how to explain it? But maybe I feel it is demeaning to that person who has died. I certainly wouldn't want to remember someone I know by visiting the side of some road somewhere, There is a time and place for everything! Phil is to the right of the pic.
I miss him alot still to this day and he left this world back in 1989. I have gone on a HUGE tangent today!
I'll speak to you later.
Sunday, 23 May 2010
It's too quiet around here, abit like the calm before the storm and I don't feel right!
I have a feeling in the pit of my stomach and I just can't work it out, whether it's good or bad. Would seem that usually these feelings of intuition don't bode for much good. Ha! maybe I will get the sack from work! I doubt it though, I'd have to have done something pretty bad before that happens, Maybe I will walk out? I certainly feel like doing it so often these days.
Who knows!?
I have been enjoying doing blokey things today and working with Craig has been nice! He is feeling out of sorts himself and that may be the reason we are both very quiet.
I have now made a lid for my fish tank, to hide the lights, so that it looks a bit more appealing on the eye. We walked into town yesterday to buy some more fish for the tank but, wouldn't you know! they had sold out of the ones we wanted, so we ended up buying some weed, For the tank and NOT the other kind, thank you very much! LOL!
We are both not feeling terribly well and yesterday I could have ripped some ones head off, thanks to my sinuses doing horrible things, thank god! today they are slightly better and I can't function a bit better. I don't like being like that at all and it's like when I have low sugar levels, I am the biggest prick I know and no matter how much you try to be nice, it just aint gonna happen. Why is it? I would love to know why this happens because, Thank god!, there is some one at work that has exactly the same thing. I used to think it was just me.
Enough of the illnesses and crap!
Made my lid and im very happy thank you! I am sitting here enjoying the intoxicating fumes of wood stain as we speak and feeling a glorious flush come apon me, LOL!
Been a busy man netting the pond as well today, so as the autumn leaves don't fall into the pond and mank it up. I learnt my leson last year. The pond turned into a stagnant cesspool and no very pleasant to try and clean out, I'd have to say.
We missed out on going to a birthday party last night because of the fact that we are both not feeling the best but hay! there is always next year. I think I went to bed reasonably early?? Can't really remember due to the fact I fell asleep once again on the lounge while watching a dvd. This medication seems to knock me out early these days.
On a different track! Have you ever spent like, ages on Google Earth? I can play on there for ever some days, just looking around here and there. Walking the streets of Hollywood or going to see the pyramids in Egypt. I flew over a friends place in Arkansas this morning. It's always fun doing a fly over of where your friends live. I've been to Paris and Versailes. Love to go there one day. Sometimes I think I must have come froms ome sort of royalty or something like that because of my taste in things.
I'm digressing again!
My friend in Arkansas has given me permission to post a very HOT pic of him in his undies so here it is!
Could just snuggle in there for awhile!.........
Ummmm!? where was I? Oh! thats right! Dinner! Hahahaha! It's not where I was but now I'm feeling like it.
I have prepared some lamb rissoles with heaps of parsley and mint and garlic (gonna smell nice tomorrow at work) Rather Lebanese I'd say! Very much lokking forward to eating it and I think it just might be time to head off and see about cookiing some up. Shall be having them with tabouli. Miight head over to the neiubours before dinner and see how they are doing, it's been a few days since we got together. Pic of the lamb mince, sorry it's raw but I haven't cooked it yet have I!?
See ya XXXX
I have a feeling in the pit of my stomach and I just can't work it out, whether it's good or bad. Would seem that usually these feelings of intuition don't bode for much good. Ha! maybe I will get the sack from work! I doubt it though, I'd have to have done something pretty bad before that happens, Maybe I will walk out? I certainly feel like doing it so often these days.
Who knows!?
I have been enjoying doing blokey things today and working with Craig has been nice! He is feeling out of sorts himself and that may be the reason we are both very quiet.
I have now made a lid for my fish tank, to hide the lights, so that it looks a bit more appealing on the eye. We walked into town yesterday to buy some more fish for the tank but, wouldn't you know! they had sold out of the ones we wanted, so we ended up buying some weed, For the tank and NOT the other kind, thank you very much! LOL!
We are both not feeling terribly well and yesterday I could have ripped some ones head off, thanks to my sinuses doing horrible things, thank god! today they are slightly better and I can't function a bit better. I don't like being like that at all and it's like when I have low sugar levels, I am the biggest prick I know and no matter how much you try to be nice, it just aint gonna happen. Why is it? I would love to know why this happens because, Thank god!, there is some one at work that has exactly the same thing. I used to think it was just me.
Enough of the illnesses and crap!
Made my lid and im very happy thank you! I am sitting here enjoying the intoxicating fumes of wood stain as we speak and feeling a glorious flush come apon me, LOL!
Been a busy man netting the pond as well today, so as the autumn leaves don't fall into the pond and mank it up. I learnt my leson last year. The pond turned into a stagnant cesspool and no very pleasant to try and clean out, I'd have to say.
We missed out on going to a birthday party last night because of the fact that we are both not feeling the best but hay! there is always next year. I think I went to bed reasonably early?? Can't really remember due to the fact I fell asleep once again on the lounge while watching a dvd. This medication seems to knock me out early these days.
On a different track! Have you ever spent like, ages on Google Earth? I can play on there for ever some days, just looking around here and there. Walking the streets of Hollywood or going to see the pyramids in Egypt. I flew over a friends place in Arkansas this morning. It's always fun doing a fly over of where your friends live. I've been to Paris and Versailes. Love to go there one day. Sometimes I think I must have come froms ome sort of royalty or something like that because of my taste in things.
I'm digressing again!
My friend in Arkansas has given me permission to post a very HOT pic of him in his undies so here it is!
Could just snuggle in there for awhile!.........
Ummmm!? where was I? Oh! thats right! Dinner! Hahahaha! It's not where I was but now I'm feeling like it.
I have prepared some lamb rissoles with heaps of parsley and mint and garlic (gonna smell nice tomorrow at work) Rather Lebanese I'd say! Very much lokking forward to eating it and I think it just might be time to head off and see about cookiing some up. Shall be having them with tabouli. Miight head over to the neiubours before dinner and see how they are doing, it's been a few days since we got together. Pic of the lamb mince, sorry it's raw but I haven't cooked it yet have I!?
See ya XXXX
Thursday, 20 May 2010
I have nothing to say! I'm just here playing around with the fonts and all the other thingys in the tool bar. I must be bored because I'm sitting here doing what I'm doing while I'm watching Ace of cakes Haha!
Whats to talk about!? How I cleaned the house today? folded the clothes? threw away half my old clothes? Mind you, it needed to be done and was wayyyyy overdue.
I might leave this blog for another day, it would appear I'm far more interested in watching Ace of cakes and I'm hugely distracted.
Is he a redhead??
Wednesday, 19 May 2010
Ok! here are acouple of guys :)
woke up this morning feeling abit better than I did yesterday and speaking to some nice friends early this morning has helped me feel alot better too. I managed to get an appointment with the doc early which is great because I hate waiting for appointments. Does my head in!
Craig was heard coughing and spluttering from the bedroom while I chatted on facebook so I knew he was having the day off too which was good because that ment he could take me to the doc.
God I hate not being able to drive! and I have another year and a half to wait to get it bac.
Doc has told me to rest for acouple more days and Am I complaining? NAH!
I'm not happy that I have had to take time out from doing the training but the way things are at work, does it matter anyway? It's going to be good to be able to rest for a few days so I'll make the most of it. I bought the unautherized biography on Oprah a couple of weeks ago so I might catch up on that and get all the dirt on Oprah. I think she deserves having dirt dished on her, might bring her down a beg or two.
Where was I!?
I'm home and happy to be here, I just might see about going to three days instead of four, now that we are unable to buy the house.Maybe we just focus on saving money to go overseas and maybe live in indonesia for awhile. I think I'd be far happier doing that than what we are doing now.
Time will tell! We still gotta go to court about the house yet not to mention me going to court next month.
I have made some awesome leek and cauliflower soup today and it is awesome too. craig has been threatened that if he sat in front of the pc all day I would not be happy at all, so he is now in bed, reading a book. I have been out to the chooks today and as I expected, they are now laying all their eggs in the garage and not in the chook coop.
I'm sure they are laying eggs somewhere else because I only found 12 and I haven't checked in a few days and I'm sure there should be more.
I'm off now, I have posted some pics of the eggs and soup OH!!!!.............
I nearly forgot! I have bananas happening in the back yard and I'm happy becuase they are my first bananas. Shame they are up so high because I don't know how I'm going to bag them and for those of you if any? Bananas need to have a bag placed over then as they are grown to keep critters and bats etc away from them. I will post a pic of them as well.
You think I'm just going to post sexually explicit pics all the time you are mistaken!
Bye! I may be back later if anything exciting happens.
Leek and cauliflower soup YUM!
My first bananas OH! Joy!
Garage eggs!
Craig was heard coughing and spluttering from the bedroom while I chatted on facebook so I knew he was having the day off too which was good because that ment he could take me to the doc.
God I hate not being able to drive! and I have another year and a half to wait to get it bac.
Doc has told me to rest for acouple more days and Am I complaining? NAH!
I'm not happy that I have had to take time out from doing the training but the way things are at work, does it matter anyway? It's going to be good to be able to rest for a few days so I'll make the most of it. I bought the unautherized biography on Oprah a couple of weeks ago so I might catch up on that and get all the dirt on Oprah. I think she deserves having dirt dished on her, might bring her down a beg or two.
Where was I!?
I'm home and happy to be here, I just might see about going to three days instead of four, now that we are unable to buy the house.Maybe we just focus on saving money to go overseas and maybe live in indonesia for awhile. I think I'd be far happier doing that than what we are doing now.
Time will tell! We still gotta go to court about the house yet not to mention me going to court next month.
I have made some awesome leek and cauliflower soup today and it is awesome too. craig has been threatened that if he sat in front of the pc all day I would not be happy at all, so he is now in bed, reading a book. I have been out to the chooks today and as I expected, they are now laying all their eggs in the garage and not in the chook coop.
I'm sure they are laying eggs somewhere else because I only found 12 and I haven't checked in a few days and I'm sure there should be more.
I'm off now, I have posted some pics of the eggs and soup OH!!!!.............
I nearly forgot! I have bananas happening in the back yard and I'm happy becuase they are my first bananas. Shame they are up so high because I don't know how I'm going to bag them and for those of you if any? Bananas need to have a bag placed over then as they are grown to keep critters and bats etc away from them. I will post a pic of them as well.
You think I'm just going to post sexually explicit pics all the time you are mistaken!
Bye! I may be back later if anything exciting happens.
Leek and cauliflower soup YUM!
My first bananas OH! Joy!
Garage eggs!
Tuesday, 18 May 2010
Fuck me! I am not well at all!
Had to leave training seminar half way through the day to come home and die.Major chest infection happening and what happens?? The doctor is shut today. Ironic!
I don't have any big thoughts right now and I'm going back to bed.
We heard back from real estate people today and it looks like we have been unsuccessful with getting the house. Get fucked is all I have to say about it all. I tired of the whole thing and tired of fighting so fuckin hard with everything.
So! As I said! I'm going back to bed!
Maybe it will all come out in the wash tomorrow!?
HA!!!!!!!!!!..........................................
ps: in case you were wondering about the chooks! I haven't looked so there are probably eggs all over the place and I will have o do an egg hunt when I feel better.
Had to leave training seminar half way through the day to come home and die.Major chest infection happening and what happens?? The doctor is shut today. Ironic!
I don't have any big thoughts right now and I'm going back to bed.
We heard back from real estate people today and it looks like we have been unsuccessful with getting the house. Get fucked is all I have to say about it all. I tired of the whole thing and tired of fighting so fuckin hard with everything.
So! As I said! I'm going back to bed!
Maybe it will all come out in the wash tomorrow!?
HA!!!!!!!!!!..........................................
ps: in case you were wondering about the chooks! I haven't looked so there are probably eggs all over the place and I will have o do an egg hunt when I feel better.
Sunday, 16 May 2010
Ok! so I liked the Kylie song that much yesterday I had to do it myself. I don't think it turned out too bad concidering I am sick as a dog with a cold and chest infection and I only heard the song that day plus! I was using my mouse at the same time as I was doing the song, scrolling down so that I could see the words! God! I'm good LOL!
Anyway! I like how it turned out with the effects and all, mind you I was trying to get chroma key happening and this is what I got.
I raced down town to buy a cheap wig and spent $30 bucks on a mic that I didn't even use! Ummmarhhhh!
This video took me most of the day to do, first I was rehearsing trying to look good on cam which is alot harder than it seems because you'd be suprised at how weird you can look just doing your usual thing. So! that took forever, then I had to try and get the words right then editing took forever. I still didn't get the chroma key thing happening properly. The cold is hanging in there just so you know and there ain't anything prudier than sneezin and snotin all over yourself when you got makeup on LOL!
Not much to report, just fell asleep as usual in from of the tele before heading off to bed, which I wasn't looking forward too because there is nothing worse that trying to sleep with a cold and you end up playing snot tennis all night, tossing and turning and each time you turn over, your blocked nostral swaps sides ARHHH!
Thats it! I got nothing else to say apart from the chooks have been roaming the backyard the last couple of days scratching out all the nasties and laying their eggs in the garage.
Enjoy the video and enjoy the eyecandy too.
Anyway! I like how it turned out with the effects and all, mind you I was trying to get chroma key happening and this is what I got.
I raced down town to buy a cheap wig and spent $30 bucks on a mic that I didn't even use! Ummmarhhhh!
This video took me most of the day to do, first I was rehearsing trying to look good on cam which is alot harder than it seems because you'd be suprised at how weird you can look just doing your usual thing. So! that took forever, then I had to try and get the words right then editing took forever. I still didn't get the chroma key thing happening properly. The cold is hanging in there just so you know and there ain't anything prudier than sneezin and snotin all over yourself when you got makeup on LOL!
Not much to report, just fell asleep as usual in from of the tele before heading off to bed, which I wasn't looking forward too because there is nothing worse that trying to sleep with a cold and you end up playing snot tennis all night, tossing and turning and each time you turn over, your blocked nostral swaps sides ARHHH!
Thats it! I got nothing else to say apart from the chooks have been roaming the backyard the last couple of days scratching out all the nasties and laying their eggs in the garage.
Enjoy the video and enjoy the eyecandy too.
Saturday, 15 May 2010
Bare with me while I try and get rid of this cold. Not much happeing right now apart from just me blowing my nose like crazy and sitting in front of the tele. Tried to get out and do some shopping but wasn't the best idea.
Anywayz! Im off to blow my nose again since I just sneezed snott everywhere.
I just found this guy this morning and I think he is hot!
I just like the undies in this pic :)
Anywayz! Im off to blow my nose again since I just sneezed snott everywhere.
I just found this guy this morning and I think he is hot!
I just like the undies in this pic :)
Tuesday, 11 May 2010
Have you ever felt like life is passing you by!? I feel like it is and wish there was some way of getting out of it. It seems like the old saying ( same shit different day) is alive and well here. Frustrating is a word that I'd use for today and thats just what it was FRUSTRATING!
There is so much more to life than what is happening now and unfortunately, I feel like it's slipping by far too quickly.
Give me a place some where in the bush, somewhere that has a roof and shelter. Somewhere I can paint again, somewhere I can, grow my own food, somewhere I can feel like I am part of what is around me and not somewhere I feel totally disconnected from life.
I miss being able to do my art, something that I once enjoyed a great deal and was actually making a living from.
I hate myself for allowing my ex boyfriend to ruin what I had dreamt for myself and that I had let him disempower me to the point that I was no good for anything.
I have always had such low self esteme that I have always put other people before myself to the point I loss sight of my own goals and dreams and needs and wants.
Silly Huh!? I guess it comes from growing up in a very disfunctional family with a mother so totally self absorbed she wasn't ever there for her children and so tottally disfunctional that she taught us how to be disfunctional. It isn't far for a mother to put their own shit onto their children and think it s ok because, it ain't. Even talking to her on mothers day was a test of endurance and tolerance. Am I being far to idealist in thinking that talking to your mother should be a pleasant undertaking?? It isn't and most of the time ain't at all. I' love to speak with my mother and have a feeling of acceptance and knowing that I have some where to turn when things aren't going so great. Ok! so there are people out there that don't have mothers and are in the same boat but, I wish I could think back in my life and know that someone was there to nurture me.
Anyways! I'm rabbling once again!
I'm off for another glass of red and maybe see about dinner. The husband has just got home so it's a good excuse to sign out.
If anyone does read this!? Peace and love to you I'm off to make dinner.
You ain't gettin any rudy pics because I ain't in the mood ok!?
There is so much more to life than what is happening now and unfortunately, I feel like it's slipping by far too quickly.
Give me a place some where in the bush, somewhere that has a roof and shelter. Somewhere I can paint again, somewhere I can, grow my own food, somewhere I can feel like I am part of what is around me and not somewhere I feel totally disconnected from life.
I miss being able to do my art, something that I once enjoyed a great deal and was actually making a living from.
I hate myself for allowing my ex boyfriend to ruin what I had dreamt for myself and that I had let him disempower me to the point that I was no good for anything.
I have always had such low self esteme that I have always put other people before myself to the point I loss sight of my own goals and dreams and needs and wants.
Silly Huh!? I guess it comes from growing up in a very disfunctional family with a mother so totally self absorbed she wasn't ever there for her children and so tottally disfunctional that she taught us how to be disfunctional. It isn't far for a mother to put their own shit onto their children and think it s ok because, it ain't. Even talking to her on mothers day was a test of endurance and tolerance. Am I being far to idealist in thinking that talking to your mother should be a pleasant undertaking?? It isn't and most of the time ain't at all. I' love to speak with my mother and have a feeling of acceptance and knowing that I have some where to turn when things aren't going so great. Ok! so there are people out there that don't have mothers and are in the same boat but, I wish I could think back in my life and know that someone was there to nurture me.
Anyways! I'm rabbling once again!
I'm off for another glass of red and maybe see about dinner. The husband has just got home so it's a good excuse to sign out.
If anyone does read this!? Peace and love to you I'm off to make dinner.
You ain't gettin any rudy pics because I ain't in the mood ok!?
It's been three days now since I have stopped smoking and I always think I have nothing to write about! lol!
I am doing ok I think? I am feeling like one now but Im sure I will be ok.
I am eating alot again because of the meds that the doctor put me on again last Friday, I just have to watch what it is that I am eating. I have to keep in mind that I eat big on healthy food and not smoking is also making it worse.I'd ahve to say that the meds are letting me sleep well again and the nice dreams are coming back and they tend to last most of the night. I am feeling better in myself too which is the main reason for the meds.
Still no news about getting finance on the house across the road. Hoping that we hear something by this Wednesday. I will not be a happy chappy if we get rejected again, god knows our luck has got to change sometime or are we destined to have shit luck for the rest of our lives?
Craig has been doing good not smoking and I have to say that it is nice not having it in the house, stinking up the place. Sure I may have been a smoker but I have never liked the smell of it inside, especially when the smell gets into the furniture. It will also be good having the money in the bank instead of puffing it away. Tobacco has gone up to roughly $30 and Craig could easily go through acouple of packs in acouple of days if he was on a binge. Add that up and you're looking at $240 a month wasted that could go to something else.
Charlie has gone home now and the house has gone strangely quiet again, it was nice having someone around but nice having the place back to ourselves. I was going to make a new video for youtube today but went off the idea. Why!? Dunno! probably couldn't be bothered and it was cold. The cafe heater is back out again sitting pride of place, smack dab in the middle of the parlor but it has been the best thing we could have bought to keep the place warm. We have tried everything from oil heaters to proper gas heaters and we have the woodburner as well but that doesn't work too well anymore unless you sit right next to it and once it would heat the whole house .
On a different note! Have you ever thought about what you smell like to other people?
I was in the shower this morning having a wash, as you do! and was reminising about the smell of a body wash I was using in Cairns and am using again now and the other smells that go with it and how everyone has their own smell. I hope that I smell ok? I m sure I do compared to some of the people that live around town.
Here's some of what I smell like :P
I am doing ok I think? I am feeling like one now but Im sure I will be ok.
I am eating alot again because of the meds that the doctor put me on again last Friday, I just have to watch what it is that I am eating. I have to keep in mind that I eat big on healthy food and not smoking is also making it worse.I'd ahve to say that the meds are letting me sleep well again and the nice dreams are coming back and they tend to last most of the night. I am feeling better in myself too which is the main reason for the meds.
Still no news about getting finance on the house across the road. Hoping that we hear something by this Wednesday. I will not be a happy chappy if we get rejected again, god knows our luck has got to change sometime or are we destined to have shit luck for the rest of our lives?
Craig has been doing good not smoking and I have to say that it is nice not having it in the house, stinking up the place. Sure I may have been a smoker but I have never liked the smell of it inside, especially when the smell gets into the furniture. It will also be good having the money in the bank instead of puffing it away. Tobacco has gone up to roughly $30 and Craig could easily go through acouple of packs in acouple of days if he was on a binge. Add that up and you're looking at $240 a month wasted that could go to something else.
Charlie has gone home now and the house has gone strangely quiet again, it was nice having someone around but nice having the place back to ourselves. I was going to make a new video for youtube today but went off the idea. Why!? Dunno! probably couldn't be bothered and it was cold. The cafe heater is back out again sitting pride of place, smack dab in the middle of the parlor but it has been the best thing we could have bought to keep the place warm. We have tried everything from oil heaters to proper gas heaters and we have the woodburner as well but that doesn't work too well anymore unless you sit right next to it and once it would heat the whole house .
On a different note! Have you ever thought about what you smell like to other people?
I was in the shower this morning having a wash, as you do! and was reminising about the smell of a body wash I was using in Cairns and am using again now and the other smells that go with it and how everyone has their own smell. I hope that I smell ok? I m sure I do compared to some of the people that live around town.
Here's some of what I smell like :P
Sunday, 9 May 2010
If it's not one thing it's another!
It would appear that trying to buy the new house is becoming just as tedious as trying to get the old one sorted!
We have tried so many different backs for a loan, I m wondering if there might be any left?
We are now waiting for another bank to let us know if we have been successful and that won't be untill sometime in the middle of next week.This might just be our last chance to see about buying the house so fingers crossed yet again.
I love having Fridays off! When I m home by myself (usually) I can relax and pot around the house with no distractions and it's great! But Charlies here and it's his birthday so me and Charlie walk into town and have a look around abit, after I have been to te doctor.
We meet up at a cafe and have a coffee in the sun which I'd have to say is mighty nice because it is getting cold very quickly and it aint good.
So we sit in the sun like two cats drinking our coffees and it's all social like what with people we know walking by and waving or coming up to us to say hello.
I walked with Charlie to go loo for some slippers but found nothing and we start to walk home.
Mission acomplished!
Because it's charlies birthday we went out to the local club and shout him dinner. For some reason Im not feeling too good, I think maybe it might have been the meds to doc prescribed for me as I was just able to stay awake.
The club was ok! Just your standard club food with always just slightly over cooked steak.
I needed to go to bed when I got home and left Craig and Charlie to amuse themselves.
As for today! Bloody hell! It's been miserable all day. You know those bleak gray days that just hang around and don't get any better? Well today was like that and cold, so what a great day just to veg in front of the tele and try and do nothing. It was casarol weather so I made some and kept the heater going all day.
A friend dropped by just as we were about to settle into watching Young Frankenstien, don't it always work that way!??
It was nice seeing her though and she was alittle concerned that something may have happened to us. Bless!
After she left, whcih was too soon we settled back into the movie, ate our casserol and did nothing at all OH! about from having some chocolate mousse I made. I live an exciting life
Cairns is where I wonna be!
It would appear that trying to buy the new house is becoming just as tedious as trying to get the old one sorted!
We have tried so many different backs for a loan, I m wondering if there might be any left?
We are now waiting for another bank to let us know if we have been successful and that won't be untill sometime in the middle of next week.This might just be our last chance to see about buying the house so fingers crossed yet again.
I love having Fridays off! When I m home by myself (usually) I can relax and pot around the house with no distractions and it's great! But Charlies here and it's his birthday so me and Charlie walk into town and have a look around abit, after I have been to te doctor.
We meet up at a cafe and have a coffee in the sun which I'd have to say is mighty nice because it is getting cold very quickly and it aint good.
So we sit in the sun like two cats drinking our coffees and it's all social like what with people we know walking by and waving or coming up to us to say hello.
I walked with Charlie to go loo for some slippers but found nothing and we start to walk home.
Mission acomplished!
Because it's charlies birthday we went out to the local club and shout him dinner. For some reason Im not feeling too good, I think maybe it might have been the meds to doc prescribed for me as I was just able to stay awake.
The club was ok! Just your standard club food with always just slightly over cooked steak.
I needed to go to bed when I got home and left Craig and Charlie to amuse themselves.
As for today! Bloody hell! It's been miserable all day. You know those bleak gray days that just hang around and don't get any better? Well today was like that and cold, so what a great day just to veg in front of the tele and try and do nothing. It was casarol weather so I made some and kept the heater going all day.
A friend dropped by just as we were about to settle into watching Young Frankenstien, don't it always work that way!??
It was nice seeing her though and she was alittle concerned that something may have happened to us. Bless!
After she left, whcih was too soon we settled back into the movie, ate our casserol and did nothing at all OH! about from having some chocolate mousse I made. I live an exciting life
Cairns is where I wonna be!
Friday, 7 May 2010
Ok! I am back and hav ing a gripe!
You'd be thinking that at my age, I would be able to speak my mind and feel empowered with in my decision but NO! It doesn;t appear that way and frankly I am getting jack of it. You know! I m grown man and it's not enough that I have totally dis empowered at work, it happens in my private life as well.
It would seem that I can't have an opinion, I can't do something my way, the way that I have grown up doing with no problem, but now it's not right or I have to do something someone elses way or Im made to feel like Im a bastard and doing everything wrong.
My self esteme is totally fucked because of the fact I have to go along with everyone elses decision or opinion. Is it any wonder that I don't feel like doing anything or going anywhere or seeing people? Fuck, once apon a time I felt excepted by my friends and family, they totally accepted who I was and am. Now! I can't say a word because Im wrong! Get fucked! It's always a bloody fight to have my veiws listened to and the biggest part is allowing my decision to be made and have people go along with my decision once in awhile.
God forbid if I don't listen to other peoples veiws, I'm the worst person in the world then.
You know! I miss my old life where I had friends that accepted me for who I was and not what people wanted me to be. Am I unhappy!? Yes! absolutely and why wouldn't I be? when I have been so disempowered and not listened too I don't want to see anyone anymore.
I have good intuision and Im never allowed to go with it because other people want something done their way and Im made to feel like an idiot.
I know this is abit of a whinge but I don't give a shit! It's my blog and thats what they are for so I can write what I want and not have people make me feel like Im wrong or it should be this way or that way.
I just want to be respected in my opinion like I once was. Do I wonder what the fuck Im doing hanging around sometimes? Hell yeah! and it's no wonder. Sometimes I feel it would be so much easier being somewhere far away by myself. What ever happened to my life when I enjoyed it and now it is trying to find something to enjoy!
Like I said! Im rabbling and this will probably make no sence in a week but I deserve to be respected like anyone else. No pics today! I don't feel like it.
You'd be thinking that at my age, I would be able to speak my mind and feel empowered with in my decision but NO! It doesn;t appear that way and frankly I am getting jack of it. You know! I m grown man and it's not enough that I have totally dis empowered at work, it happens in my private life as well.
It would seem that I can't have an opinion, I can't do something my way, the way that I have grown up doing with no problem, but now it's not right or I have to do something someone elses way or Im made to feel like Im a bastard and doing everything wrong.
My self esteme is totally fucked because of the fact I have to go along with everyone elses decision or opinion. Is it any wonder that I don't feel like doing anything or going anywhere or seeing people? Fuck, once apon a time I felt excepted by my friends and family, they totally accepted who I was and am. Now! I can't say a word because Im wrong! Get fucked! It's always a bloody fight to have my veiws listened to and the biggest part is allowing my decision to be made and have people go along with my decision once in awhile.
God forbid if I don't listen to other peoples veiws, I'm the worst person in the world then.
You know! I miss my old life where I had friends that accepted me for who I was and not what people wanted me to be. Am I unhappy!? Yes! absolutely and why wouldn't I be? when I have been so disempowered and not listened too I don't want to see anyone anymore.
I have good intuision and Im never allowed to go with it because other people want something done their way and Im made to feel like an idiot.
I know this is abit of a whinge but I don't give a shit! It's my blog and thats what they are for so I can write what I want and not have people make me feel like Im wrong or it should be this way or that way.
I just want to be respected in my opinion like I once was. Do I wonder what the fuck Im doing hanging around sometimes? Hell yeah! and it's no wonder. Sometimes I feel it would be so much easier being somewhere far away by myself. What ever happened to my life when I enjoyed it and now it is trying to find something to enjoy!
Like I said! Im rabbling and this will probably make no sence in a week but I deserve to be respected like anyone else. No pics today! I don't feel like it.
Wednesday, 5 May 2010
Monday, 3 May 2010
It's Sunday night already! Good lord! It's a hard life being a social butterfly, never get enough quiet time to myself. What with going to a 21st birthday on Saturday night, which was great I might add. Spent most of the time playing a cross between pool and snooker very badly, with some friends. I didn't stay too late because of having a firend at home waiting patiently.
I felt all productive Saturday morning and decided to get busy with lawn mowing and cleaning up the yard. Could posibily be the last mow for the winter. I have been feeling ok within myself lately and as I've said in a previous post I hope it lasts. Today was ok, still potting around abit but decided I had to watch Auntie Mame with Rosland Russell so I found it online and settled down to watch it around midday. Love the movie and almost forgot how good it was. Shame it seems the glory days of movies are gone.
Not much else for the day really, just tried to take it easy inbetween chores and charlie visiting and the occassional friend or neighbour visit. That should do it for today I think!? You don't need to hear about me falling asleep on the lounge tonight lol!
Mushrooms in my pot!
I felt all productive Saturday morning and decided to get busy with lawn mowing and cleaning up the yard. Could posibily be the last mow for the winter. I have been feeling ok within myself lately and as I've said in a previous post I hope it lasts. Today was ok, still potting around abit but decided I had to watch Auntie Mame with Rosland Russell so I found it online and settled down to watch it around midday. Love the movie and almost forgot how good it was. Shame it seems the glory days of movies are gone.
Not much else for the day really, just tried to take it easy inbetween chores and charlie visiting and the occassional friend or neighbour visit. That should do it for today I think!? You don't need to hear about me falling asleep on the lounge tonight lol!
Mushrooms in my pot!
Saturday, 1 May 2010
Where has the time gone!?
It's already Friday and where has the time gone? Seems the last couple of days has been rather busy with friends dropping in. Thursday was good day for getting things happening and had some work mates come around after work to brainstorm some issues concerning work and I got a little distracted after they left by chatting with friends on facebook and having way too much to drink. Trying to have a quiet day today has not been going to well at all. I have been trying to die peacefully on the lounge while watching tele and don't you know! The phone rings. My friend is coming back and will be here some time this morning. Great! love to see you again but all I wanted to do was die LOL! OK! so he calls, all good! I've got sometime up my sleave to try and get a nap in before he gets here. BANG! The phone rings again! What do I do? I answer it don't I! It my work mate that I had a falling out with late last year and we haven't spoken really since. NOOOOOOOO! Not today! We get chatting and chatting and she apologizes and we are still chatting like something near an hour! GOD! All I wanted to do was enjoy my hung over sufferance quietly and what does she say!???? I'll come around, I'll be there in ten minutes! Just shoot me now........................................................................
She comes over and GREAT! she has alcohol and appears to here for awhile. Ok! so it was good that we sorted somethings out and mended bridges but why does it have to happen today when my eyes are hanging out my head.
Other friend turns up roughly the same time as Craig and every one is here. I have absolutely no chance of escape, not now and it does't look like any one is in a hurry to leave.
All well and good, she finally leaves and theres no food in the house.
Thank god Craig suggested takeaway so he and charlie can be gone for a short while and I can pretend I am having a power nap lol!
So anyway, they both blow themselves out on a billy, ok I have a puff and Craig has bought home the Avatar DVD and decides to put it on at nearly 9.30pm.
Cool! if you put it on that late, I certainly aint gonna worry about falling asleep, which I promptly did when the light went out. I think I woke up around three quarters through and excused myself and HEAVEN!!!! Died in bed. Not that it mattered too much because I was awake for half the bloody night anyways.
Enjoy the pics.
We had a blow out with the kitchen light so had to cook by candlelight. Very nice!
Oh!@ and the other ones are just because they are hot.
She comes over and GREAT! she has alcohol and appears to here for awhile. Ok! so it was good that we sorted somethings out and mended bridges but why does it have to happen today when my eyes are hanging out my head.
Other friend turns up roughly the same time as Craig and every one is here. I have absolutely no chance of escape, not now and it does't look like any one is in a hurry to leave.
All well and good, she finally leaves and theres no food in the house.
Thank god Craig suggested takeaway so he and charlie can be gone for a short while and I can pretend I am having a power nap lol!
So anyway, they both blow themselves out on a billy, ok I have a puff and Craig has bought home the Avatar DVD and decides to put it on at nearly 9.30pm.
Cool! if you put it on that late, I certainly aint gonna worry about falling asleep, which I promptly did when the light went out. I think I woke up around three quarters through and excused myself and HEAVEN!!!! Died in bed. Not that it mattered too much because I was awake for half the bloody night anyways.
Enjoy the pics.
We had a blow out with the kitchen light so had to cook by candlelight. Very nice!
Oh!@ and the other ones are just because they are hot.
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